Zero's Lost Days
by Vikuliusik
Summary: This story is a first-person view as Suzaku. Things have changed during the few months following Lelouch's death. Suzaku is a mess and keeps himself off from the world. He stays at his old home, wondering what to do with his life now. But everything changes when Lelouch returns. Will Suzaku be able to start a life again or will Lelouch make it worse? Rated T for language/other.


**This is a fanfiction that I hope to work on for quite a while, it's actually a RolePlay that I am doing with a friend and I decided to take it and put it as a fanfiction for everyone else to enjoy. Reviews and comments are great!**

Sighing, I sat on the log over-looking the small lake beside my old home. The one I killed my father in. I didn't have a reason to go back to the middle of Japan. Back to the Academy, back to my friends. I was the Knight of Zero…but Zero's true self is gone now. I have nothing left. "Lelouch…you really are a dumb bastard." I picked up a stone and tossed it over the water, watching the waves ripple out. "Everything happens for a reason, right Euphie? What does it prove of you dying? Why did you leave me…?" I put my face in my hands, sighing heavily. I knew thinking these things weren't going to help. I needed to get over it. I needed to get a grip and move on.

I felt a presence behind me but I knew no one else was here; I was the only one who came to these parts of Japan now. It's abandoned for good. "I don't even know why I came to you. You hate me anyway, so why even bother?" A voice said, I sighed and stood up and walked towards the water, looking at my reflection in the still-rippling waves. "Great. I'm hearing voices now. Get out of my head, Lelouch. I don't need you." I sighed heavily and closed my eyes, tightening my hands into fists. "You shouldn't be here, I shouldn't even be here. What have I got left to live for? Nunally is perfectly safe now that she can see and walk and be herself again. You're gone…Euphie's gone…I have no one else to live for…" I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, unable to open them. If I did, I knew I'd see tears. I couldn't do that again. Not so soon.

"Hey, Suzaku. I'm right here. How long have you been talking to yourself? You sure have changed since we turned our backs when we were young." I could hear feet shuffling on the soft sand and I froze, my spine stiffening when a hand lay on my shoulder. "You do have things to live for. You have many friends who care for you, Suzaku." My mind must be going crazy, surely he couldn't be back? He couldn't survive a stab through the heart and live. No one could. When the hand left my shoulder I turned slowly, seeing Lelouch far off with his back to me. I clenched my fists and ran at him, knocking him to the ground so I was kneeling over him. "Lelouch! You're a sick bastard and I wish I never helped you back then!" I spat in his face, glaring. "Besides, I don't have any other friends, Lelouch. You're the last one I had."

My mind suddenly flashed the Student Council and I frowned, my gaze softening. "I wasn't friends with…with Rivalz and Pres and…and Kallen…" I sighed and got off him. "So, okay. Maybe I do have some friends…but what's it going to matter to them if I leave today or tomorrow? They'll get over it." I looked away from Lelouch's direction and closed my eyes again. _How can Lelouch be alive? I don't understand…I must really be going crazy. I need to get him out of my head, for good. Before I turn into some freak that talks to myself. _"Lelouch, you need to go. Get out of my head, get out of my life." I thought I had whispered it but he mustn't have heard for he didn't respond.

I turned around, noticing Lelouch looking up at the sky, his expression soft. I smiled, seeing him like this was a rare sight. "Lelouch." I shook my head and started again, softer this time. "Lelouch..." I sighed and swallowed, "yeah…I guess you're right about me having friends." I decided to sit beside him, leaning my arms against my knees. "Lelouch…maybe we can hide away together. C.C. thinks you're dead, right? She won't come looking for you again. And if no one knows about you…we can go back to the way things were." I felt tears and I shut my eyes tight, regretting the next thought, "except…Nunally won't be here with us."

"Even though C.C. thinks I'm dead, I don't think we should be together. Everyone will wonder where you've gone; if they find us together…they'll separate us again. Probably even kill me for good, or torture me until I spill on how I'm alive." I saw him wince, wondering what he was thinking. I missed Lelouch a lot more than I realized…I wanted to be closer to him. I swallowed heavily, looking away. "I want to be with you," he continued, his tone far away, "you know I do. But…you know it can't happen. I'm sorry, Suzaku." I looked at him, anger on my face. Shocked, I noticed a tear on his cheek. "L-Lelouch…" I reached towards him, rubbing the tear away. "You don't have to go…I'll protect you. I technically still am your knight, after all…" my voice faded and I longed to kiss him, but what would he think?

"You can't, Suzaku. I'm not emperor anymore. You are not my knight and you will not call me your Lord." He started to get up and I pulled at his wrist, my eyes begging him to sit back down. "I'm sorry, Lelouch. I won't mention it again. I promise." I met his gaze, holding it longer than normal friends would. "Suzaku…" he frowned, trying to read my gaze. "Lelouch just…don't leave again. Don't let me be alone again. I can't stand it. Staring at the walls, I feel like I'm suffocating. I need you, Lelouch. Please stay." I saw his gaze switch from studying to sorrow and I swallowed, moving my face slowly towards his until our lips touched. I felt him stiffen and I kissed him harder. I didn't know what I was doing…I just had to.

But he didn't push me away; he put his hand on the back of my head, pulling me closer. Blushing deep red I obliged. His lips felt nice. "Suzaku…" he pulled away slowly after a moment, his breath deep and ragged. "Suzaku…" he tried again, a small grin on his face. "What was that for?" All I could do was shake my head and hide my face from him, my cheeks still burning from his returned kiss.


End file.
